I wasn't trying to nag at anyone when I asked my mom about why she suddenly set us up to go bowling with a family with a strange feeling about it. I wasn't trying to say I disliked them or anything.
She just seemed fixated on getting at me. I accidentally made a noise that sounded like the word "s***." I inquired what was wrong because I knew her annoying noises were getting to me at the core, feeling like they're injuring me emotionally. I just kept asking and some accusing. Now, they have something on me and people are fixated on this with me. You know, they're always doing that like "that's life." They think I'm bad and need a good day. It's a joke cuz they are the ones with that problem, tho I am unsure of why.
So, sorry, if I bothered anyone. I didn't intend to. I will try to avoid these conversations.
I also need to look out. People do things mean to me and it's new and I don't know what to do, but I think to myself or speak but not like to hurt anyone. Any help? You know, no one else has this problem. I want to find out what's wrong.
People agree my mom and dad are bad, tho, and I'm good and just hurt. It's serious. If I think of a curse word, people are mean to me. It hurts a lot, in a way. Any little thing. I'm generally a good person, tho. They shouldn't be being mean to me themselves and getting away with it.
What do you think of my mom prodding me to get mad and me being stuck with that happening to me? It's how she acts and the messages she sends.
I'm trying to just be good as usual in my life. I feel writing this a sense that it will cause some worry about what's to happen, like it was better before me saying this for some reason. You know, the only reason they are upset is because I kept talking and feeling bad. Also, my relatives do/did this to their kids, which makes me ashamed. It's not like I need this. I mean like keep nagging at their kids's antics like they're bad. They just wanna have a good time, maybe. I know they need to be refined. They still are more popular, tho.
Well, I'm gonna go back out for a jog, see how much I can push myself.
Also, because I was upset about the family, saying it was a trap to have me talk to them and not other people because of the nature of the approach .. tho I would be happy to see them.. I started to look like an older man with a big stomach, tho I am mostly losing weight. Look, I dunno what this is. I wasn't even picking at that. I guess I need to really avoid situations I don't need.
My mom keeps agitating me like other people. I dunno what to do. I'm going somewhere with her today. She digs under my skin and blames it on being too close. A lot of people know about that. However, I didn't do anything wrong to begin with. I try to ignore her, but if I feel upset she gets more mean. It seems like I could find a solution. Maybe, I'm socially inept. I can just ignore her. I know when I'm unwanted. You know, she keeps acting like I'm not good enough, too. I do things with her, tho. I think how she treats me shows she's not being that great. No one is against her and her desires in some ways, I'm not. I know I can't live freely. I am being hurt and people blame me for anything strange or if I feel upset.
Like I said before, I'm just waiting for something to happen so I don't get what I deserve in life emotionally, etc. The people experimenting on me manipulate my life, what goes in and what goes out. Unnatural. Dysfunctional, too. Look, what's wrong? Still got a grudge on the past? Something I did you didn't like you didn't talk to me about, just waiting to get at me being the reason? so I can't fix it? and you can still get mad.
The people experimenting on me want me to chuck it for this one. They only know of results. They say if I'm so upset why should I still get anything in life that no one else does? Have you ever heard of being attacked? Why is my life so chaotic and disorderly? They think if I can't do one little thing right why me get anything? That's not what happened. You can't play this to fix jealousy. This didn't happen before. It's unnatural what is done. There are real solutions. They aren't all weird and agitated. You just have to stop shooting/firing at me like that. It's hard to think about what the solution is, but you know there's things that might make everyone happy. You all just meet people to forget about them, too. Something about that doesn't seem right.
So, what to do about my mom? And my dad, how did he get in such a new, good mood now? I need to be more sound. This'll be like an experiment. It's true, I set up my life for success, and I get bugged. I can't relax and be happy like before when I was a teenager.
Help! I don't know what to do.
Also, a suggestion is to sever relationships. That's sad. It is hard to deal with that potential with everyone being so agitated and me not being able to settle. I did notice kids in some ways/situations can more easily sever, maybe cuz they aren't as developed.
So, supposedly, this talking with my mom was so bad and something to overthink. I can't live with this stress. You can't do things to me that ruin what's important in life and it be okay. People are mean to me, and I feel like I'm being watched and submitted. There's something I need to deal with I can't seem to.
Well, sorry, I am so annoying or rude. I'll try again. Family is important. It needs to be smooth and not disagreements on important things.
If you think about it, too, before this experiment I wasn't upset like this. I remember I was annoying but unsure what that was. I wasn't trying to lead a bad life.
One thing that's hard is when my mom or dad etc. relays something like I can't have something I do that I either got or earned. Partly or actually they aren't being realistic maybe, and it's awkward. I just think, "No, stop," or something and then that's when they keep going, that I felt upset.
So, I have not solved my problem and am not really sure how the day will go. It's hard to feel humble when this comes up cuz it's so silly/nonsensical.
They keep bringing up my oldest aunt, too, like she's the one who says I can't have anything if something funny/weird happens. True, sometimes, there are kinks and maybe even bad situations, but I try to just be good. I get angered and I try to deal with it. It does feel a bit weird not being allowed to be mad, like others do and still are them and go on with life like that.
My grandma is a bit upset with me, too, and people claim she does some big things against me to feel safe.
Why do people need to be mean to me to feel safe?
What should I do now? Just focus on this? My attitude? Others will bring up other things, tho. He he, we shall see about this. Maybe, they want to set me up to lose ultimately. I know they do in their subconscious. They have to have something. I do accredit that they are too nice sometimes in some ways, too, some people, but generally like I see normal people making it, being good to be around and just normal and not all weird to me, like I'm an enigma.
I'm off!