It seems like if I find myself in a certain relationship, it's attempted to be said to be unworthy of me, like it would be taken away if possible.
I think I have been judged for something that bothered me about what could be and not sure what to make of it. I guess I could say part of it is for the idea that others have needs and I am not a part of the solution. It has already affected me. It's as tho it's like a game with others, to see how much I can stay positive or submit, for no real reason but for reasons others find to make sense. Even when it is said that it doesn't matter, it does. I just kinda gave up and left it.
See, my dad is testy and thinks I need to be punished. Other people think so, too. I think I am being good and never meant to hurt anyone tho found some people cared about it and found it inappropriate and offensive.. so I stopped.
I'm not sure what to disclaim in my attempts at this post. I'd like a better understanding that makes sense. I have claimed I never meant anything bad and am trying to be better. I thought I had a right to how I felt. I find if it's this same reason it does not make sense. It's like it's a game.. Sometimes, others are wrong but still do what they do that was wrong. They are supported by others and no one cares. People argue that you're supposed to hurt people cuz people are bad. I really never followed to be mean to others to make things interesting or right. What I didn't believe was letting people put me down. I don't turn the other cheek. I don't attack others, neither. I only defended myself. I've been trapped and tortured psychiatrically. So, I went on on that. I bet it was for others to stay safe and not be hurt for being nice to me.